Fourteen Basic Rules for Success

In order to play the game a man’s way:

• Understand the difference between how he plays the game and how
you play it.

• Recognize that for the time being, his way of playing is the accepted
way.

• Decide if you want to change the way you play.

1. Make a request – asking is the only way o get what you want. Even when men suspect they’re going to get an unfavorable answer, they still charge ahead and ask the question. They won’t personalize the “no” and they’ll keep trying. Women personalize situations, we hear no as a comment on our abilities, a sign that the relationship between our superiors and us have failed. The woman’s definition of the word no: Absolutely not, how could you even ask?

2. Speak Out. Men speak out a lot, and women are concerned about making a mistake or losing face. If you don’t talk no one will know you are there.

3. Speak Up. When a guy is playing a competitive game he will say what he must as forcefully as the situation warrants. Men will tell you that women are too timid, or too evasive, or too circuitous, or too unsure of themselves. Don’t ask for permission to speak – when you do you’re
putting conditionality instead of strength around a statement. Conditional talk doesn’t have much power. Learn to use your voice effectively. Take a course in presentation skills because with training most voices can become more powerful, more effective in business situations.

4. Tot your own horn. Part of getting ahead is getting noticed. The woman who gets ahead is getting noticed. Taking credit for your accomplishments is part and parcel of job performance learn to be your own PR person in a way that’s comfortable for you. Women are champions of small talk. Use your intuition. Learn to bluff as men do.

5. Don’t expect to make friends; Work is no more about friendship than a tough competitive sport is. Men are clear that business is business, and personal is personal. When they disagree about job-related matters, they don’t see each other as unsupportive or uncaring or disloyal.

6. Accept uncertainty. Unlike men who owe their success to a lot of factors, women assume we get ahead because we’re better at our job than anyone else. As a result, over the years we’ve adopted a perfectionist model. We don’t say we know something unless we are completely confident that we do. Men start the game confident and so have a much better chance of triumphing. Most difficult situations that arise at work have no precedent. Learn to make it up as you go.

7. Take a risk. From the get go, men are encouraged to take chances. Women are bought up to avoid situations that re potentially dangerous. But you can’t get ahead without making risky moves. No one who’s afraid to stretch the boundaries ever becomes a CEO. The things we think of as risks are often not risks at all.

8. Be an imposter. Women enter the workplace convinced that the only way to advance is to master our subject backwards and forward. We collect information, we accumulate anecdotes, and we do whatever it takes to get the job done. When we make a presentation, we make sure there is nothing missed – thoroughly over prepared and overeducated. The problem is that eventually you can’t know everything. Everyone is an imposter. Business is no different from life. Men know that. They fake it whenever and wherever they have to. They rely on improvisation, self-confidence and the generalized ability to draw on past experience rather than book knowledge. In business, when you’re doing something new, there is no safety net. That is how creative business ideas are advanced. Replace your imposter scenario with a self-confident one. Confidence is half the game.

9. Think small. Women tend to multi-task and can be overwhelmed. Men can take the first thing he has to do, concentrates on it, finishes it, and then moves on to the next thing. Men can work like this because the larger picture doesn’t distract them. Men compartmentalize.

10. Don’t anguish. Guys wear their game face. Even when the odds are against them, they still try to look as if they’re going to win. Girls are brought up to be nice. In turn, they want everybody and everything to be nice too. We anguish openly. Women are more apt to show their vulnerability. Anguish in private.

11. Follow the team leader. Women have little practice following the team leader because of the orientation of our games. Our social circles, being democratic, make everyone equal.

• Play with the big picture in mind. • You don’t have to like your teammates, but you do have to stay loyal to them.
• You don’t have to think of yourself as an automaton. Each team member brings his or her unique talents to the playing field: you can improve yours by taking advantage of all the talents around you.
• Don’t second-guess the team.
• Examine your internal conversation.
• Let the team help you.
• Don’t torpedo the team

12. Don’t assume responsibility without authority. This is one of the prime issues women face in business. Offer your services only when you are certain that the task is a career opportunity. Be clear that you are making a trade-off.

13. Sit at the table. Its time to realize that if we want o be considered loyal and productive team players we have to sit at the table with the Big Guys. Too often women will come into a board room and sit in chairs peripheral to the table indicating that the table is for the boss and key people. Early on guys learn that they belong at the table, and they are comfortable fighting to be there. Being visible is half the battle. You can’t play if you can’t be seen. Make your presence felt and be fully present.

14. Laugh. Guys learned long ago that humor could cut the tension in any situation. Women’s humor is much different from men’s. It leans more toward the observational, the situational.